Warning: This post includes very sensitive and some adult stuff… Additionally, I don’t need to be judged.

The purpose of this post is to finally let out all what I feel and share to everyone a “life encounter” that is worth learning from… and I hope that anyone who is in the same situation that I was, would find meaning or learn something from this. I’m sure this post is going to be quite long but I’ll try to keep it as short as I can.

I used to have a relationship with this guy but this relationship was very much complicated. For one, I am married with one daughter, but my marriage was already on the rocks when I met this guy, and same situation as well with this guy (he told me that his marriage was also on the rocks, and that the only way to settle it is through an annulment… or so I thought).

He promised me a lot of things and even told me that we’d fight for our relationship no matter what happens (walang iwanan daw), and that we will be together in the end. We even had a “semi” inside joke that we’ll have a race to see on who would first have the annulment case started and have our annulments granted first, and he was even so confident that he would win.

There were a lot of challenges during the first few months:

December 2010: My husband attacked me violently because he had a hunch about the relationship, but in all honesty, I think I deserved to be punched and kicked around, and I allowed myself be physically hurt all for that guy. All I was thinking back then was all those violence were worth it just to fulfill the promise made, that we’ll both fight for our relationship no matter what happens. After which, I asked my husband to leave the house. I was left with my daughter but I was ready to take him in once he settled his “battle” with his wife.

Around January 2011 until April 2011: Another challenge that came to us was when a “stalker” who named himself / herself Arnold Park hacked into one of our FB accounts and sent out our conversations to our previous workplace. At first, we both thought that it was my husband after all the domestic violence done, and with that in mind, this guy promised me a lot of things once we find out who this Arnold Park is, that he would most likely have this person killed, and that he would torture that person until he / she bleeds to death. Honestly, it was a bit morbid and a bit scary, but the thought that he would do such a thing just to protect our relationship was enough for me to feel secure. However, there was this one text message that this Arnold Park sent me that made me think that this stalker was not my husband anymore. It was when the stalker texted me in a challenging manner “baka hindi mo alam na buntis ang asawa ng kinakabit mo… (you probably didn’t know that your bf’s wife is pregnant)” It made me think that it was impossible for the stalker to know such a thing unless this stalker was his wife or his wife has told my husband, because during that time, the guy didn’t even have any idea that his wife was pregnant. Back then, we were still debating on who this Arnold Park could be, until one day, the stalker emailed me tons of threatening emails. I was able to trace the IP address, and asked the guy to check his IP address when he gets home, and voila, it was the same. So we had a semi concrete proof that this stalker was his wife (or probably anyone in his house). However, I noticed that he didn’t even care and even got mad at me for thinking that it could probably be his wife, and he didn’t even attempt to do anything about it. So wow, if that stalker was indeed my husband, he’d probably be torturing him to death, but if that stalker was his wife… nothing? Ouch. That was the first time I really felt odd about things. Also, while I was excited to get my annulment case filed so that I could legally be with him, he suddenly didn’t even care about his annulment anymore? Okay.

August 2011: Another challenge was when the baby was coming out. He told me that he didn’t care about the baby, and that he wouldn’t even care if the kid died. He keeps on assuring me that he didn’t feel anything about the kid whatsoever more so the mom (his wife), and he isn’t even sure if the baby was his (counting based on his last “contact” with his wife). But I still kept on wondering why he would give his wife part of his paycheck to save up for the hospital bill beforehand if the baby is not even his to begin with. I think he still felt obliged as a “man” or something, but I guess the “not caring” thing were just all talk.

Another thing that was odd was that while I got my husband out of my house and literally broke off everything that I had with him, did everything to make this guy feel that I love him deeply and that he would have a place with me, this guy, on the other hand, was still living with his wife in the same house during the course of our relationship. He said that it was all for their first daughter, he said that his daughter would follow wherever her mom is so he can’t have his wife leave his house just yet. Okay, I already understand that point, and I was willing to wait.

November 2011: I noticed that he started adding different “personal service providers or PSPs (pokpok or prostitutes in layman’s term)” in his FB account. How would I know that these girls are PSP’s? Well with the rates (prices) that are being offered in their “About Me” page and the “almost-wearing-nothing” pictures, one can easily tell that they are selling themselves in exchange of s*x. When I asked him why he was adding these kinds of girls into his account and if he knows these girls, he said that he had no idea who those were, and no idea that these girls were PSPs and that he just happened to “click” and add them. Really??? Can you really just happen to “click” on add friend without even checking who the person is, or at least read something about the person before adding them? He became very defensive and even told me that I was already invading his privacy. So it was my fault that his FB wall showed that he and these girls were friends, and I was already invading his privacy when I asked who those girls were. Great. (And to think he got super jealous when he saw my FB with guys on it who were either my friends, or bloggers, which I had to unfriend each and everyone to make sure that he won’t get jealous, but he got mad at me for questioning him adding PSPs?! Well, darn!) The thought never got out of my mind because for one, he is known to be having affairs with a lot of PSPs and other girls before I even met him. He used to go to bars and have one night stands with the prostitutes. I was not his first “other girl” during the course of his 8 (or 9) year marriage, but yes, I still loved him and gave everything up for him because of his flowery words and his promise that he thinks that I am finally “the one”.

December 6, 2011 was the time when my world literally crashed and burned into pieces because of a text message. Before this, I was chatting with him, then he left an “OMG OMG” message and just vanished. I tried to call his cellphone but he never answered. Then hours after, I got text messages through Chikka:

This would be a quick msg. wla na sa akin phone ko. pls dont col it or txt it. its with them. last night i have to go home and rush kay nanay but unfort at the same time, her sisters and bro was there. im doing this for you, im setting you free. you know how much i love you but i have to choose the best way to protect you from them and the scandal they are planning. this hurts me a lot as im writing this. somebody saw us sa megamall, somebody saw us sa isetann, and even tracked u down as you go home. i dont know how but they know ur place, they have been watching all the time, and i dont want any scandal to go to your place ruining your name before your dad. i cant bear that. they got all means. i hope you understand. i will remember you for the rest of my life.

Then I got online on Chikka hoping to chat with him (edited out some names):

B: Please be strong. Dont text or call the phone, its with them.Dont chat the fb they had the log ins.Im sorry but this is the best way to deal with it,
Me: uy
B: na walang kung ano mang iskandalo na mangyayari, they got me cornered, but id rather have them punish me than get to you.I have to leave now and go home. sumadya
B: lang ako dito a netshop… Im really sorry.. Be strong for Julie…and from this moment on live free..
B: ingat ka palagi…
Me: wait
Me: wait wait
Me: waait
B: bilis
B: her bro is waiting outside
Me: ano toh
B: ano po yn
B: bhe basta ingat ka palagi
Me: hoy
Me: wait
Me: wah
Me: are you breaking up with me
B is now mobile.

Those were his last words. I was lost, devastated, and it felt like the world just crumbled in front of me. I was so confused. But I told myself that I had to stay strong as what he said. Days passed and I was hoping that he would somehow contact me through his work just like how he used to, but nothing. What hurt me most was when I tried to contact him through his officemate, and this was the message I got (I took out the names):

Me: good morning po, ask ko lng po sana if work mate mo si ____? ask ko lng kasi sana if pumasok po siya kagabi…
Me: gsd xa
His Officemate: yes he did… gf ka ba nya?
Me: is he still there now? o umuwi na? can u pls tell him that i HAVE to talk to him.
His Officemate: sorry been busy with work, he already left… i dont have time to check my FB…
Me: okay lang po. no worries. if u see him tomorrow, please do tell him to call me. pasensya na po ah, i can’t get to him kasi… thank you po.
His officemate: I think he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, sorry to be blunt on this pero when i showed him your email it seems he is not that interested, i think you need to think about it…
Me: ok. thank you.

With that, somehow it made me think that he wasn’t really protecting me as what he texted, because if he really was, then he would still somehow try to contact me at least to have a decent talk, just like how adults should handle things. I checked his FB if they were really indeed rigged but all I saw were his accounts (yes, he had a lot of FB accounts) being deactivated and activated every now and then, and then finally, I was blocked. Using an alternate account, I saw that he added his wife into his FB instead, whom he once blocked. Such irony.

I tried a lot of other options to contact him, but he was just ignoring them. I was crying my heart out for days and after a week, I found out about something…

I found out that he recently became active in a website called Extreme Overdose, where anyone can register and pick up PSPs, and most of his posts started November 2011 (no wonder he has been adding PSPs on his FB account), and the worst part was, I got to read a Field Review (FR), a term used to coin a “review of the experience” with a PSP:

(warning: contains adult topics. click for larger view)

So with that, it was good enough proof for me that he has been cheating on me with a prostitute, I am 100% sure that this person is him because for one, he works in Taguig, he hates someone being late, he works night shift and gets out around 8am, he is indeed a person who gets turned on with big breasted girls, and this girl that he made an FR of is someone he added in his FB as well! And what hurts most was the fact that he even did it one day after our 13th monthsary! I even ordered pizza padala for him and had it delivered to his office as my monthsary gift that time! What an a-hole! So in short, he never really changed. He was the same man who cheated on his wife with different PSPs and girls. May asawa’t anak na, may girlfriend na, may pokpok pa! I thought I could change him for good, but I was terribly wrong.

I tried to move on with the thought that he broke up with me because he was too ashamed of what he did and would rather just break up with me rather than having me to find out…

I was already doing good with my moving on stage, but just a few days ago, I saw a picture of him smiling while carrying the baby, whom he claimed that he never cared for at all, with his wife, whom he claimed that he never loved, never wanted to marry, and that all that he felt for her was lust and no love, and their daughter. They looked so happy together and so complete. Honestly, that broke me down out of self-pity with a bit of anger. Yes, I’m furious because I was left with a broken family thanks to his promises, and he got his all complete. Thanks. *sarcasm*

All his claims of having an annulment with his wife, being together with me in the end, and the promise of fighting for the relationship despite whatever would happen, were just false hopes.

So all along, everything was just a big lie, and now, I’m left alone because I trusted him and believed all his lies.

Lesson learned? A lot.
Lesson #1: Don’t ever fall for a married guy who claims that his marriage is on the rocks and claims that he will be filing an annulment.
Lesson #2: Don’t believe in any long term promises. They NEVER last.
Lesson #3: Don’t give your 100% love to someone, as you’ll never know if you’d meet someone like this guy.

Last words: I guess now I realized that I lost in the game called love, all was lost, sacrificed everything, and never gained back anything. But somehow, I think I’m on the moving on stage again, as I can manage to smile whenever I remember the picture of his complete family, and all I’m thinking is that at least I didn’t ruin any family, well probably just almost. It just sucks to think that I, on the other hand, is left with a broken family, but I also blame myself for that. Plus, I won’t be stuck with a liar like him for the rest of my life.

PS: I know he did loved and cared for me, hindi ako manhid (I’m not numb), and I appreciated everything we had before, and I am ever so thankful for all the experiences I had with him. Without him, there were things that I couldn’t have done. I’m still thankful to God that I’ve met him, but I guess he was just given to me to really learn things the hard way.